


Oh How the Mighty Fall (In Love)

by starrystarrybabe



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Slow Burn, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-14 21:55:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18485155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrystarrybabe/pseuds/starrystarrybabe
Summary: Lily Anne Mercury is brought in to help with Bohemian Rhapsody at the request of her Uncle Bri and Uncle Rog, and along the way, she might meet someone to share her life with. The only problem with this is that while their friends and the world can see that they’re perfect for each other, they’re going to be fully blind to this for a while.DISCLAIMER: I’m fully aware that it would’ve been physically impossible for Jim and Freddie to have a child even with this method during the time they were alive, but the idea of Freddie as a dad and the idea of how his child would turn out to be was just too sweet for me to not write.





	1. Chapter 1

April 15th, 1989

Freddie couldn’t help but smile as he saw the bundle he and Jim had been waiting for so long finally heading towards his arms. Finally, their little girl was here.  
Finally, they had the child they always wanted.  
Finally, they could hold a tiny person that was as close to a truly representative biological combination of the two of them.

The little girl is placed in Freddie’s arms and the tears start flowing when she opens her eyes and squirms her little arms out of her swaddle. She’s absolutely gorgeous, with Freddie’s eyes and nose, and dimples similar to Jim’s.

“Hello, darling. Welcome to the world,” Freddie tearfully coos to the girl. “Your father and I have been waiting for you for so long.”

The little girl reaches up with one hand to tug on her father’s mustache, and he lets her, smiling despite the pain. Jim watches and smiles, wrapping an arm around his partner.

They’ll send a lovely gift to Annie, the woman who carried their daughter. She was absolutely perfect, because not only was she a wonderful person, but also because her genetic makeup is nearly identical to Jim’s. Lily Anne is by all means, an accurate representation of what a child with Jim and Freddie’s genetics would look like.

“Don’t hog her, Fred. Pass her here,” Jim jokes, and cradles the little girl as she’s passed to him. “Hello, Lily. You don’t know it yet, but your papa and I love you so much already. We will always be here for you. Always. Even in death, you can bet that we’ll be keeping a close eye on you, love.”

That last sentence hits Freddie in a very sore spot, and he chokes back mournful tears. He’s not sure how much time he has left. It’s probably not even a year, based on what the doctors have told him, and that hurts badly, because all he wants now is to be there to see his daughter turn a year old. 

Annie watches this and smiles sadly, squeezing Freddie’s hand. “It was an honor carrying her for you, Fred. I’m glad I could give you the best gift anyone could ever receive.”

He sniffs and looks at Annie. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done. She’s wonderful, and you’re just... darling, you’re the closest thing to an angel I’ll ever get to meet.” 

Annie squeezes his hand, and Lily cries out in Jim’s arms at her papa’s distress. Freddie leans in and coos to her, tears rolling down his cheeks as he does.

“Don’t cry, darling. Please, don’t. I’m alright, love. Just getting into my emotions, that’s all. I’ll be fine.”

Lily sniffles and reaches for Freddie, and he takes her, holding her to his chest.

Jim watches and smiles. “She’s going to be amazing, Fred.”

Freddie looks at him seriously, taking a deep breath. “Promise me one thing, darling.”

“Of course, Fred.”

“You’ll make sure she knows how much I love her, even after I’m gone,” he says, rubbing the baby’s back as she falls asleep.

“I would do that no matter what, you know that.”

“Also fix her teeth and get her singing lessons,” he continues, “And if you see a good statement piece that screams my name, get that too.”

Jim laughs and sits back, and the two of them fall into a comfortable silence as they watch their newborn sleep.

—  
May, 2018

Lily Anne curses as she drives over a particularly sharp rock and the front left tire of her vintage Rolls Royce squeals. “Stay intact, please! I don’t want you to get scratched, my love.”

She pulls down her round Dior sunglasses, and looks around the parking lot in the middle of nowhere for a spot. “Damn, why’d they choose to film in the middle of bloody nowhere?”

She finally parks, and steps out of her car, fixing up her hair and outfit, and clutching her bag. Beginning to walk over to the replica Wembley Stadium stage, she sees a head of white curls next to a man with a white beard and dark Ray Bans ahead of her. She knows that if she yells to Roger, he won’t hear her. He’s deaf as hell and blind as a bat. That leaves only one option.

“Uncle Bri! Wait up!” She yells and begins to run to catch up to the men. “I’m wearing heels, so you need to slow down!”

Brian stops and lets Roger know to stall, and when he turns around, he smiles at the girl.

She finally gets to them and huffs. “Why’d you choose this bloody field in the middle of nowhere to film? Christine can’t handle that and you know it!”

Roger frowns. “Why the hell would you drive your Rolls Royce so far? It’s vintage! If you don’t treat that car better, I’m taking it!”

Lily gasps. “How dare you! I would never let a blind old bat take my car.”

Roger playfully hits her shoulder, and Brian opens his arms for a hug. Lily gladly presses herself against the taller man, her head coming up to his chest. 

“Thanks for coming to help us on this project, Lily. It’s very appreciated,” he says, ruffling her hair.

When she pulls away and continues walking with them, she shrugs. “I had to. It’s about my papa’s legacy. I can’t miss out on that. I may not have known him for long, but he has to be done justice, and I can help with that.”

Roger smiles and wraps an arm around her shoulder. “You’re already doing that by writing amazing music, love. How’s the band doing?”

She smiles back up at her uncle. “Amazing! The reviews of our new album call it our best since 2012, and we might just get an award for it.”

Lily Anne and Room 301’s latest album was all about the struggles of living in London when one is raised with the band members’ cultural and social backgrounds. With a guitarist being the child of Nigerian immigrants, two lesbians from conservative Welsh Methodist and Irish-Catholic households respectively, and a frontwoman who was raised by a gay Irish man but also a Zoroastrian extended family, it made for an interesting set of problems faced by them collectively.  
The band was formed when they were all roommates in college, during their freshman year. Jim went to all the concerts and gigs he possibly could, and the four girls always loved going to Garden Lodge afterward for tea and cake.

Roger grins and looks down at his goddaughter. “Wonderful! We’re so proud of you.”

Brian nods and smiles at the girl. “Your fathers would be so happy to hear that.”

She nods, smiling at the men. “Jim had a folder of clippings from the uni paper articles about us. I just wish he was there to see our first award ceremony.”

Brian squeezes her shoulder. “I’m sure they were both there, watching. They loved you more than anything, Lily.”

Roger smiles fondly. “Remember when Freddie brought her into rehearsal in that fur coat and held her the whole time?”

Brian nods and laughs. “It was so funny to see her try to pry the microphone from his hands the whole time. We couldn’t use any of the audio from that day.”

Lily looks up at the men and smiles. “I clearly still wear fur.” She twirls in her new mint colored fur coat.

Roger nods. “You’re dressing more like Freddie every day.”

“Thank you, darling.” She flips her hair dramatically and continues walking, and her uncles just smile, watching her go along.

—

Lily is impressed by the accuracy of the set, and so are Brian and Roger. Now all that’s left to see is the actors. A meeting is called on stage, and Lily Anne sits with Brian and Roger, nursing a cup of coffee in her manicured hands.

She sees the boys come out in their costumes, and is awestruck by Rami’s look. The makeup and hair department really did well on the accuracy. All that’s missing is the teeth. Joe looks pretty much like John Deacon, but it’s scary how accurate Gwil looks when it comes to resembling Brian.  
Then, Ben comes out. The look is farthest from the original, but damn. The boy looks good. If he looked more like Roger, he would simply have too much power. Ovaries would explode. 

Brian begins, greeting the boys. “Hello, everyone! You all look great. We just wanted to make sure that you all meet the newest member of the Bohemian Rhapsody family. You probably recognize her, since she’s in the public eye, but we also wanted to give her a moment to introduce herself.”

Roger gestures to Lily and she smiles. “Alright, then. I’m Lily Anne, and I’m Freddie and Jim’s daughter. I’m very excited to work with you all, and I’d love to help in any way I can. I can give most of you pointers on how to navigate the characters you play, but even if I can’t, I probably know people who can.” Lily shrugs. “That’s about all I have to say. Kick ass and do my papa and the rest of the band justice. I trust that you all can do your jobs well.”

The cast is still pretty tired, but they gratefully smile and nod.

Brian smiles. “Great! You can all go back to hair and makeup.”

The cast disperses with quiet thank you’s and waves, and Brian smiles. 

Lily looks up at him. “The Bohemian Rhapsody family?”

He nods. “This is something that I think will create a close bond between those boys. They already mesh so well together. You should go meet some of them one on one, Lil. The trailers are behind the stage. They’re all in a big one, getting ready together.”

Lily Anne nods. “Sure. I’ll go do that now.”

—

She knocks on the door of the trailer and a makeup artist opens it, smiling.

“You must be Lily Anne. Come on in!” The artist greets her, smiling.

“Thank you, darling. What’s your name?” She walks inside.

“Katie. Nice to meet you.” She holds out her hand for a shake, and Lily shakes it, smiling. 

“The pleasure is all mine, love. Now, Brian said that I should go back here to get to know you all better since we’ll be together for a while.”

Rami waves, unable to speak since the teeth are being put in his mouth. Lily waves back at him, smiling.

Joe smiles. “Hi! I’m a huge fan of your music.”

Lily smiles and puts a hand over her heart. “Thank you so much, darling! I appreciate that very much.” She pauses and looks at him more closely. “You look awfully familiar. Have I seen you in something before?”

He shrugs. “I was in Jurassic Park. I was the little kid.”

Lily gasps. “That’s what it is! Wow! You seem very well adjusted for a child actor.”

Joe grins. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

She turns her attention to Gwil, who now has the wig fully on.

“I must say, Gwilym, has anyone told you that you look exactly like Brian? It’s terrifying,” she comments, still in awe. “I feel like you’re actually Brian in this wig.”

Gwil smiles. “Yeah, it’s pretty insane. I think that I probably look the closest to the real thing.”

Lily nods. “I agree. I mean, you all look absolutely lovely, but for you, the accuracy is downright frightening.”

Ben speaks up, looking into the mirror. “I know I look furthest from the real thing. I hope fans don’t nitpick that too much.”

Lily scoffs. “I’m willing to bet that part of the reason why you were cast was that you’re similar enough, but also prettier than Roger ever was. He’s an egotistical wanker. He’d do something like that.”

Ben laughs, turning partially red, and Lily feels herself trying not to visibly show her arousal. What a beautiful man. She’s already in love.

“I certainly hope my acting abilities have something to do with my casting,” he says, trying to become less red.

Lily rolls her eyes. “Of course they do, darling! You were amazing in Eastenders. Why’d you quit that? I loved it.”

He sighs. “I want to be seen as more than just a pretty blonde. I became uncomfortable with being shirtless so often and wanted to be used as more than just something that’s good to look at. Now, I try to take more jobs that don’t require me to be shirtless.”

Lily nods. Damn, he has substance and he’s gorgeous. She needs to hop on that once filming is over. “I understand. I promise you, you will be amazing in this, and I’m sure it will open up more opportunities that you want afterward.”

He smiles at her and she has to keep herself from physically melting. Fuck, he’s so pretty and nice and wonderful.

“I really appreciate that, Lil. Can I call you that? Lil?” He asks her.

‘You can call me whatever you want, you beautiful man.’

“Of course! That’s fine.”

Rami finally gets the teeth in and looks to Lily. “Finally, I can speak. I just wanted to say that it’s an absolute honor to play your father, and I would love nothing more than to make him and you proud.” Rami’s sentences are slow, calculated, and incredibly heartfelt. 

Lily walks over and smiles, giving him a hug. “That means so much to me, Rami. Really, it does. You look amazing, and I can’t wait to see you perform. You’ll all do amazing.”

The cast thanks her, and she can’t help but melt at Ben’s smile. 

“After today is finished, would you all like to go to Garden Lodge with me instead of sleeping in these trailers? I have so many spare rooms and we can order food and get to know each other.” She offers.

“Can Lucy, Allen, and Aaron come as well? They’re part of this as well.” Rami asks.

She nods. “Of course. My Rolls Royce won’t fit that many people, but I’m sure at least one of you has a car here.”

Gwilym nods. “I have my car here. I can help bring people.”

Joe smiles and looks up at Lily. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to ride in the Rolls Royce. I’ve never done that before and it sounds fun.”

Lily grins. “What if I told you that it’s a vintage Rolls Royce?”

Joe and Ben’s eyes light up.

Ben looks up at her. “Please let me in that car.”

‘I’d let you in more places than my car.’

“Of course, love. You’re all welcome to ride in my car.” Lily grins at the boys, who look at each other excitedly. “I’ll ask the director if I can bring you all home with me tonight,” She teasingly says before she leaves the trailer with a flourish.

Katie smiles and moves to adjust Ben’s wig, trying to get it to be perfect. “She seems to be very nice.”

Joe nods. “I like her. What do you think, Ben?”

Ben turns to face him. “Why are you asking me in particular?”

Rami turns to look at him. “Because you seem very interested in her, and her in you.”

Ben scoffs. “I was being nice. We just met her. It’s too soon to make that judgment.”

The rest of the boys look at each other skeptically.

Joe smiles at Gwil. “I give it four months before one of them makes a move.”

Gwil raises a brow. “Who do you think will make the first move, though?”

Rami thinks, and shrugs. “Too soon to tell.”

By this point, Ben is bright red. “Can you all just stop? I’d like that.”

Katie sighs. “I’ll need to put on a lot more foundation if he stays this red. I’d love to continue this later, but now it needs to stop.”

The boys relent but still smile to themselves. They’ll just sit back and watch the two discover their attraction on their own.

Lily Anne gets permission to take home the boys and Lucy, Allen, and Aaron. She will spend some time with Aaron, especially since he plays Jim, and for her, it must be accurate. Her father is by all means, the most important man who has been and will ever be in her life, and she will defend him until the day she dies.

—  
January 1, 2010

Lily frowns as she picks up her flip phone from her purse and steps outside of the frat party she’s at. “Hello? Who is this?”

“Hi, Lily. It’s Laura, your father’s nurse,” a stressed out voice from the other end responds to Lily’s inquiry. “I was concerned you wouldn’t pick up since you’re probably busy and don’t recognize my new number.”

“I always respond, Laura. What is it? Is my dad alright?” Lily becomes concerned. She knows that her father is getting increasingly worse from his cancer and AIDS, and he doesn’t have much longer to live.

“He’s... he wants you to come. Immediately. To be completely honest, I don’t fully know why he’s asking for you, but he sounds distressed,” Laura explains.

Lily’s eyes widen and she blinks back tears. Dear god, please don’t let this be what she thinks it is. Please, if there’s something out there that loves her, she will pray to it to keep her father alive.

“Say no more. I’ll be right over,” she responds, hanging up and calling over a cab.

-

Garden Lodge is only ten minutes away from her university, since she wants to make sure to always be there for her sick father, and it is the longest ten minutes she’s ever experienced in her life. When the ride is over, she throws money at the cabbie and tells him to keep the change before running inside the gate and banging on the door.  
Laura opens it and she continues to run in her stilettos and short party dress. When she gets up the stairs she hears the gentle sounds of her papa’s voice singing Love of My Life, and enters her dad’s room.

Jim turns to see his daughter practically throw herself on the bed and hold his hand.

“I came as soon as Laura called. What is it, Dad?” Lily’s voice shakes.

“Love... I think you know what’s happening. We both know what’s happening,” he tells his daughter, brushing a stray hair from her face.

“Dad, you’ve had scares before. Maybe it’s just another one of those,” she tries to say, attempting to convince herself more than him while tears threaten to fall from her eyes.

He wipes away a single tear from her face and smiles gently at her. “No. This is different, Lily. I know it.”

She begins sobbing, moving to hug her father around the waist and rest her head on his chest like she did when she was little. “I don’t want you to go, Dad. Please, try to hold on a little longer.”

He strokes her hair and smiles. “Your Papa is waiting for me, darling. I’ve held on for as long as I can, my love. If I could stay with you forever I would.”

She can’t speak clearly, but squeezes her father and listens as his heartbeat begins to slow down. “I love you so much, Dad. Thank you so much for raising me and being so wonderful—“ She’s cut off by a sob. “I’ll miss you so much, Dad.”

Jim sniffles and tilts her head up to look at him. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Lily Anne. I’m so proud of you. I love you and the band so much, and I know you’ll succeed in whatever you choose to do. I’ll always be close by, and you know that. Your Papa will finally have me to watch you by his side.”

She blinks away tears and tries to make a joke. “What about the cats, Dad?”

Jim laughs, ruffling her hair. “I’m sure Delilah is there in his lap, watching us in judgment because we’re not petting her.”

The two of them laugh sadly and hold each other close, quieting down as Brian’s guitar wails.

“I’ve got to go, Lily. He’s becoming insistent,” Jim whispers, and she nods.

“Give him a hug for me, please.” She responds, hugging him.

“Will do, love. Your Papa and I will be watching.”

“Even when I get married?” Lily sniffles and looks up at her father.

“I’ll knock over your Papa’s ashes when we find the man for you,” Jim responds, kissing her forehead before closing his eyes and finally, drifting off into the afterlife.

When Lily Anne places her ear to his chest, she hears nothing.

Laura walks inside the room and looks at the scene in front of her, and sighs, taking the needle off of the record as Good Company starts playing.  
Lily Anne simply holds her father tightly before sitting up, kissing his forehead, and moving to leave the room.

-

Brian is sleeping when Lily calls, and picks up the phone groggily, sitting up in bed. “Who’s calling at this hour?”

Sniffles.

“Can I help you?” He’s beginning to get annoyed, and now Anita has woken up, resting one hand on his shoulder.

“U-Uncle Bri, can I come over?” Lily Anne is practically crying over the phone.

“Lily, what’s wrong?” He frowns, and Anita sits next to him, trying to listen in on the call.

“I-It’s my Dad... h-he’s...” She begins sobbing again, and Brian brings a hand up to his lips.

“Oh no. Lily Anne, I’m so sorry. Come on over, love. I’ll call Roger and tell him the news,” Brian offers, trying to console the girl.

“Th-Thank you. I’ll be right over,” she says before hanging up.

When he puts down the phone, he breathes heavily, blinking back tears. “At least he’s with Freddie.”

Anita looks down. “Poor Lily. I’ll start up a pot of tea for her, you call Roger.” She kisses his cheek and moves to go to the kitchen.

-

Roger picks up on the third ring, and he’s angry at being woken up at this hour. “Brian, what the hell are you doing calling me this late—“

“Jim’s gone. Lily is coming over to my place, and I’m sure she’d appreciate you joining us.”

Roger is silent for a moment before sighing. “I’ll be right there. Should I tell the kids?”

“Once they’re awake. Right now, Lily needs us.”

“I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

-

Lily Anne rings the doorbell, still sniffling. Laura had driven her over before calling the funeral company and beginning to make arrangements.

Brian opens the door and sighs, hugging the girl tightly. She sobs into his chest, shaking like a leaf. The oversized sweater of Jim’s that she’s wearing now only accentuates how small she is, and right now she doesn’t look like a 20-year-old woman, but a little girl.

That night is full of tears, tea, and ends with Lily Anne falling asleep in a guest bedroom, mascara staining her eyes and running down her cheeks in rivulets.

—

Lily Anne smiles as Ben and Joe gape at her car, clearly impressed by the beautiful vintage. She’s very proud of Christine. She moves to open up the trunk and help the boys put their overnight bags inside, and moves a box of sage out of the way.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why do you have a huge box of sage in your car?” Gwilym asks her.

“I don’t mind at all. Actually, I sage my entire house, so the ghosts don’t cause too much trouble.”

Ben turns and frowns when he hears the word ‘ghosts.’ “Pardon me? Ghosts?”

She nods. “Garden Lodge is very haunted. None of the spirits are bad, though. Just bothersome.”

Joe raises a brow. “What do they do?”

She sighs and closes the trunk. “Well, six of the eight of them are cats, so they knock things off of shelves and meow at random times. Sometimes you can actually see them running across the hall.”

Rami purses his lips. “I can only guess that the other two ghosts are your fathers.”

She nods and smiles. “Yeah. They are. Sometimes they can be a bit overbearing, but they’ll leave me be when I ask them to.”

The boys look nervous. Lily Anne scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“Don’t worry. We can sage the entire place and nothing will bother you. And if something does, tell them to go away and they will.”

They still look scared.

“If I order Nando’s will it calm you all down?” She tries to calm them with basically a bribe in the name of keeping possible friends.

Ben and Gwil nod and Joe and Rami look confused.

“I’ve never had Nando’s,” Rami comments.

“Yeah, me neither,” Joe adds.

“Mate,” Ben says in disbelief before shaking his head. “No. We’re going to order for you then because Nando’s is the best and there’s only one correct order,” Ben explains.

“Of course! The chicken burger,” Lily Anne adds on, expecting Ben to agree with her.

“What? No, it’s the chicken wrap, hands down,” Ben retorts, insulted at the notion that she thinks the chicken burger is better than the chicken wrap.

“Are you insane, mate? It’s the bloody chicken burger. The chicken wrap is good, but it isn’t the best. Gwil, you like Nando’s as well. What do you think?” Lily turns to Gwilym, who backs up slightly under both their stares.

“You know me better,” Ben argues.

“I’m correct, he’s wrong,” Lily retorts. “Gwilym Lee, in the pursuit of truth, I demand that you agree with me.”

“I’ve been working with you for six weeks, mate.” Ben looks up at Gwilym, basically pleading him at this point. “We’re practically brothers at this point.”

Gwil sighs and raises his hands in surrender, sympathetically looking at Ben. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I really am. I love you, but it’s got to be the chicken burger. Lily Anne is right.”

Ben turns away from Gwil, shaking his head as Lily Anne grins.

“I knew it! I fucking knew it!” Lily Anne jumps up to high five Gwil’s hand before looking over at Ben. “I’m sure you’re correct about many other things, but the best food at Nando’s is not one of them. Now let’s go before I starve.”

Everyone heads towards their respective cars, Gwil moving to his own with Lucy, Rami, Aaron, and Allen. The Rolls Royce is only big enough for three people when the overnight bags are added in, since the trunk is too small for four duffel bags. Thus, she can only take two other people: Ben and Joe.  
Lily Anne is about to get into her car when she sees that Ben still hasn’t moved. She sighs and walks over, crossing her arms.

“We don’t have all day, darling. Let’s get to the car, okay?” She tries to reason with him, placing a hand on his arm.

“I’m still insulted. All this time, I’ve always thought the chicken wrap was better,” he says, looking down at her with genuine confusion. “What else am I wrong about?”

She takes his hand and holds it, looking up at him. “You’re very cute when you’re upset, but we can’t go down that path, Ben. It only leads to more questions, and we don’t need those right now.”

He’s so cute. Oh lord, he’s the most adorable and simultaneously the hottest man she’s ever met. A true specimen. A one of a kind combination of a great personality, a rocking body, and the cutest puppy dog eyes she ever did see. She must have him.

He nods and makes the poutiest face in the world. “Can I be shotgun and play the music?”

She nods, squeezing his hand. “Of course, darling. Come along, now.”

Joe moves from shotgun to the backseat, and Ben plugs his phone into the AUX cord as Lily Anne starts up the car and begins to exit the parking lot, followed by Gwil.

“What music are we listening to, Ben?” Joe asks, taking a video on his phone.

Ben turns around, shrugging. He’s clearly still upset. “All Dead, All Dead is a good one.”

Lily Anne turns to face him in disgust, shaking her head. “Dear god, no! Just because your taste in Nando’s is trash doesn’t mean that you get to play one of the most depressing Queen songs in the world!”

Ben looks back at her and snaps, pointing a finger at her. “Don’t you dare say that! I have an exceptional taste in Nando’s!”

“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite side to go with your chicken wrap, Ben?” Lily Anne pulls out of the parking lot and onto the gravel road.

“The potato mash!” Ben shoots back, causing Lily Anne to lean her head back and groan.

“Bruv, no! We all know the correct answer is the Portuguese rice!” She wrings her hands in agitation.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Ben looks out the window, shaking his head and dismissively stating, “I’m just going to put on March of the Black Queen.”

Lily softens as suddenly as Ben snapped, resting a hand over her heart. “I love that song! One of my favorites is White Queen, though.”

Ben smiles back at her, the whole Nando’s exchange forgotten for now. “That’s my favorite one! I could listen to it forever.”

Joe posts the video of the exchange to Instagram, with the caption, “How long until @lilyannemercury steals my man?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol abuse, drug abuse, suicidal thoughts, etc. This chapter is fairly heavy. It deals with very intense emotions.

Lily Anne pulls into her driveway, parking her car next to her orange Thunderbird, and unlocking the door. She exits with Ben and Joe, and collects the luggage from the trunk. Gwilym pulls into the gravel driveway as she closes the garage door, and smiles as the man gets out with his co-stars and they grab their bags.

Lily Anne smiles at the new post-it notes dedicated to her father that cover the brick wall, and pushes some flowers out of the way of the green door, unlocking it and leading her friends into a garden path.

 

“Welcome to Garden Lodge, darlings. Feel free to walk around the gardens when you come here, and if you see a flower that looks particularly beautiful, you can pick it and bring it inside. In the foyer, I have a vase you can put it in,” Lily tells them, watching them as they look around the garden, amazed by the sheer amount of greenery and the large house that they’re approaching.

 

“Lily, this is beautiful. I can’t even believe I’m here at Freddie’s old home,” Lucy gushes, smiling and picking a large sunflower to put in the vase. “I’ve never seen so many different kinds of flowers in my life.”

 

“Thank you! I take a lot of time out of my day to garden, and when I’m not home to do so, Mary does it for me,” Lily explains before opening the main door for the house.

 

The group quietly gasps as they enter the white marble foyer with a round, wood table in the middle, a vase of many different kinds of flowers planted in the very center of the room. Lucy places the sunflower in the vase, and as they continue into the house, a bell jingling and tiny barks echo through the hallway.

 

“Come here, Reykja! Come here, my darling!” Lily Anne puts on a baby voice and gets down on her knees, dropping the sage and letting her tiny Icelandic Sheepdog puppy run into her arms, cuddling her.

 

Ben gasps at the sight of the puppy, and feels a pang of sadness as he misses his little fur baby named Frankie. “She’s so cute! Hello, love!” He leans down and the dog squirms out of her mom’s arms, bolting into his and licking his face.

 

Lily Anne is so happy that her puppy likes Ben, since Reykja isn’t usually that excited about strangers and doesn’t usually run towards new people that quickly when she meets them.

 

“Reykja isn’t usually so comfortable with strangers. She’s never acted like that before, not even with my bandmates, and she sees them almost every day,” Lily comments, smiling and standing up.

 

Ben stands and grins, holding the happy puppy in his arms. “I’m honored that this adorable puppy loves me. I can’t be mad about the Nando’s fight when I’m blessed with the presence of this little girl.”

 

Aaron is looking at pictures of Lily Anne and Jim that she has surrounding the vase. Lily Anne instructs her new friends to go upstairs and choose bedrooms to sleep in, and get settled before turning to see that Aaron hasn’t moved, still fixated on a photo of Lily Anne as a newborn, in Jim’s and Freddie’s arms.

She walks over and smiles at the photo softly, standing next to Aaron.

 

“That’s one of my favorites,” she says, and Aaron looks up, putting the photo down.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude, but I just saw the photos and got to thinking about how I can’t mess this up, for you, and for Freddie,” he apologizes, explaining why he was distracted by the photo.

 

Lily Anne puts a hand on his arm, squeezing it fondly. “Hey, Aaron, it’s okay. Don’t worry, you’re not intruding. I’m glad you’re taking the role so seriously, despite the fact that so many people choose to ignore and discredit Jim’s importance in my Papa’s life.”

 

He sighs, looking down at her. “I’m just very stressed out. I’m starting to doubt whether I can do him justice in the small amount of screentime I get.”

 

She shakes her head. “Aaron, _ I’m _ the one who had the final say in choosing you for this role. I have faith in your acting abilities, and the resemblance is as close as it can be.” She smiles at him, tearing up. “I saw you backstage during the filming and for a moment, I thought I was looking at my father. Then when you spoke, I got chills.”

 

Aaron hands her a tissue and smiles gratefully. “That means so much to me, Lily. I can’t even begin to explain how much your faith in me is appreciated.”

 

She sniffles and laughs, nodding. “I-I’m sorry, I just get emotional about this kind of stuff sometimes.” She wipes away the tears and takes a deep breath, regaining her composure.

 

Aaron shakes his head, gently holding her shoulders. “No, don’t apologize. He was your father. You loved him very much. You have every right to get emotional about being reminded of him.”

 

Lily nods and hugs Aaron, smiling. “You’re going to do so well. I’ll be here for you every step of the way to help make sure everything is as accurate as it should be.”

 

Aaron hugs her back, and they separate when Joe calls her name from the top of the stairs.

 

“Lily? If you don’t mind me asking, what’s in the room with the vault door?” Joe yells, his voice echoing down the stairs.

 

Lily walks over with Aaron following behind her, heading up the stairs. He walks over to a spare room, and Lily looks over to see the rest of her guests standing at the vault door at the end of the hall. Ben is still holding Reykja in his arms, petting her behind her ears.

 

“This is actually my favorite room in the house. You’ll see why I have a vault door for it when you see what’s inside,” she explains, punching in a code and twisting the big doorknob.

 

She opens the door to reveal rows and rows of Freddie’s old outfits, with mannequins in the center of the room wearing the harlequin leotard and the Wembley Stadium outfit, minus the yellow jacket Jim sold. The cast enters the room, and Aaron and Allen enter the room last, looking around.

 

“If I’m ever feeling a little down, I just come in here and play dress up,” Lily Anne explains, smiling. “You can touch everything in here, just close the closet doors when you’re done. That’s how the outfits stay in such good shape.”

 

Gwilym and Ben head over to the rack with Freddie’s early 1970’s outfits, and Joe and Lucy look at the outfits from the 80’s. Rami is still in awe, looking around the room with a facial expression Lily can’t quite read.

 

“Are you alright, Rami?” Lily Anne frowns, walking over to the man.

 

“I’m just… wow. This is so amazing, Lily, it really is. All these iconic clothes… I don’t feel worthy, really,” he explains, shaking his head.

 

Lily nods, sighing. “It’s a large role to fill. You’ve been tasked with a lot of responsibility, doing his memory justice. I know you can do it, and so do Brian and Roger, but I feel like you should have something of Freddie’s to help you out.”

 

Rami shakes his head, beginning to freak out. “I couldn’t possibly, all the stuff in here is priceless. I would mess it up.”

 

Lily Anne waves dismissively, shaking her head. “Nonsense! Darling, Freddie would want you to have something of his. He was a generous man, and I’m sure he’s so grateful that you’re the one portraying him,” she continues, looking through the shelves for something that she feels is perfect for Rami. She finally finds it, and takes a black military jacket with silver tassels out of its case.

 

“Put it on,” she says, handing him the jacket.

 

Hesitantly, Rami puts on the jacket, which fits him perfectly, and looks in the mirror. Lily Anne is shocked at how good the fit is, and grins at Rami.

 

Joe turns around and looks at Rami in the jacket and smiles widely. “Rami, that fits perfectly!”

 

Lucy looks over and puts a hand over her mouth before walking to Rami and examining the jacket. “That looks…”

 

“Perfect,” Rami finishes, beginning to smile. “It feels good. I really like this, Lily.”

 

She shrugs and gestures to the jacket. “It’s an amazing jacket. Subtlety won’t be possible in this look, but that’s not the point of it.” She smiles at Rami. “You should keep it. Freddie would want you to have it.”

 

Rami looks in the mirror again, and Ben comes over with Allen and Aaron.

 

“It looks really good, mate,” Ben comments, looking impressed at the fit of the jacket.

 

Lily squints and shakes her head. “It needs something…” She snaps her fingers when she figures it out and pulls down Freddie’s crown from a special case.

 

Rami puts on the crown and looks in the mirror. “Wow… this is all surprisingly comfortable. I feel better in this than I did before.”

 

She shrugs. “It’s Freddie’s energy. He’s got your back, you know.”

 

Rami smiles, his eyes lighting up. Lucy is right by his side, one hand playing with the shoulder tassels. They’ve got chemistry, and everyone can see it. The two break apart and blush after a moment, and after the group leaves the room, they finally order their Nando’s.

 

\--

 

“It’s okay to admit defeat, Ben.”

 

“Shut up, Lily.”

 

“Denial is the first stage of grief.”

 

“Don’t be a wanker, Lil.”

 

“Anger is the second.”

 

Ben and Lily Anne are back at it again with the Nando’s argument, anxiously awaiting Joe and Rami’s opinions on what is better: the chicken burger with Portuguese rice, or the chicken wrap with potato mash. This is all very intense, and there is palpable tension in the air.

 

Joe swallows and thinks for a second before continuing to eat his chicken burger. Rami does the same right afterwards, and Lily grins, leaning back on the couch triumphantly.

 

“The chicken wrap is still very good!” Ben insists, looking at Lily Anne and shaking his finger, defiantly clenching his jaw.

 

“Bargaining comes next,” she taunts in a sing-song voice, leaning in and smirking.

 

He huffs and eats his chicken wrap, slumped over slightly. Lily Anne grins and continues eating.

 

“Did the depression kick in yet, Hardy?”

 

“Shut it, Mercury,” he retorts, mumbling with a mouth full of food.

 

Lily Anne laughs before hearing something shuffle on a shelf and frowning.

The whole room goes quiet, and Lily Anne looks up to see that her Papa’s ashes are… wobbling back and forth, as if they’re getting pushed around by two people. Her eyes widen and she presses her lips into a thin line, taking a deep breath through her nostrils.

 

“...is that normal, Lily?” Gwil quietly says, raising a brow.

 

“I… well… the cats don’t usually mess with that particular piece,” she tries to reason, even though she’s hearing Jim’s dying words in her head.

 

_ “I’ll knock over your Papa’s ashes when we find the man for you.” _

 

This is strange. Why are they just wobbling? Shouldn’t they fall? That’s what Jim said would happen. Unless he and Freddie aren’t in agreement yet over the man in question. Clearly the shaking is due to the blonde next to her.

That confuses her even further, because one, she’s just met Ben, two, she’s not even sure if she’s truly in love or just being thirsty, and three, a lasting marriage requires a reciprocated affection for one another, and she can’t just assume that Ben likes her.

 

“Should I get more sage?” Ben asks, putting down his wrap.

 

“Uh-- yeah. More sage would be good,” Lily Anne says, trying to ignore her racing thoughts. “It’s um, in the kitchen. In a cabinet with some pictures pasted onto it.”

 

Ben nods, standing up and moving to go to the kitchen. “It’s across the hall and to the right, correct?”

 

Lily Anne nods, still staring at the urn. She wants to scream when the urn stops moving just as Ben exits the room. Her fathers are making it very clear what they want, but Lily Anne is mortified that they did it in front of people she wants to be friends with, opening up the possibility of scaring away her newfound companions.

The room is filled with a thick tension as the urn stays still for a few moments, at least until Joe finds a way to break the tension in the room by pointing out something he likes.

 

“Oh my god, is that a Wii?” Joe asks, pointing to a tall, white rectangle on the T.V. stand, underneath the mounted flat screen.

 

“Yeah, it is! I’m wonderful at Mario Kart,” she says, grinning at Joe. A part of her wants to cry because she’s so happy that he cut the tension.

 

“Which character do you play as?” he asks, munching on his burger and looking at her with childlike excitement.

 

“Baby Peach, duh,” she responds, scoffing. “She’s adorable  _ and  _ she gets a bullet bike.”

 

He groans, wringing his hands. “I hate her! I always play as Yoshi, and fucking Princess  _ Bitch  _ always beats me. Always.”

 

Lily Anne raises a brow and puts her burger on the coffee table, leaning against the couch. “Princess Bitch? It’s not her fault that you can’t handle her in all her royal glory, and curse her out because of your own ineptitude as a player.”

 

Joe’s mouth falls open, and he nods, putting his food down as well. “It’s not my fault that the game is fucking rigged so that the computer always wins, Lily. I am  _ amazing _ at Mario Kart, and that is a fact. No matter how well I play, I always lose to her.”

 

Lily Anne stands up and moves to the T.V. stand, pulling out two Wii remotes and tossing one to Joe, who catches it and sits up on the couch. She puts the disc in the Wii and starts up the T.V., grinning.

 

“Let’s test this theory of yours out, Joe. Let’s see if we get beat by Princess Peach when we’re doing Coconut Mall,” she challenges him, crossing her arms.

 

“Oh, you’re  _ on _ , Mercury,” Joe responds.

 

“Bring it, Dinosaur Boy,” she taunts back.

 

The rest of the cast laughs, watching all this go down. Joe crosses his arms at the nickname.

 

“Dinosaur Boy. Real original, Lily Anne,” he says, playfully mocking her jab. “I don’t know you well enough to come up with a nickname for you just yet, but when I do come up with one, it will be amazing.”

 

“I can’t wait to hear it, Dinosaur Boy. Are you ready to get proven wrong?” Lily Anne smirks, twirling the controller.

 

“Who wants to place bets on who will win? My money’s on Lily Anne,” Lucy suggests, grinning at the other woman in the room.

 

Joe shakes his head. “You’re only saying that because she’s the only other woman here. I know that women should support each other, but that doesn’t mean they  _ always  _ have to support each other.”

 

Lucy shrugs, “Regardless, my opinion isn’t going to change. I think she’s correct.”

 

Lily Anne picks up another controller and tosses it to Lucy, smiling. “Screw just placing the bet, let’s both test out this theory. You can be baby Daisy, and together we can kick Yoshi’s ass.”

 

Lucy grins back at her, nodding. “Let’s do it.”

 

The cast lets out an exclamation of excited anticipation as Joe turns to Lily, shaking his head.

 

“Well that isn’t fair!” He shakes his head. “If you get to have Lucy on your team, I get to have Ben on mine!” He points to the man who just walked back into the room with Reykja following him.

 

Ben frowns, putting down the sage and picking up the puppy. “I was gone for five minutes. What’s this all about?”

 

Gwilym looks up at Ben from his place on the couch with a look of barely contained amusement. “It all started when Joe pointed out that Lily Anne has a Wii, and she told him that she’s very good at Mario Kart. Then, when he asked which character she played as--”

 

“Baby Peach,” Lily Anne interjects.

 

“--Joe said that he hates playing against Peach because the game is apparently rigged to make sure the computer always wins,” Gwil continues.

 

Ben nods slowly, trying to piece together the situation. “So all of that ended up creating some sort of contest to see who’s correct, and Joe wants me to help him prove Lily Anne wrong.”

 

Gwil nods. “Yes, that’s exactly what happened. Do you want to help Joe?”

 

Joe pouts up at Ben, clasping his hands together under his chin. “Please, Ben? You’re my only hope at exposing the truth behind Nintendo’s cruel business practices.”

 

Rami snorts, beginning to laugh quietly into his hand. Gwil bites his lip to avoid doing the same, but Aaron and Allen lose it, looking at each other and letting out loud barks of laughter. Ben sighs, putting Reykja down on the ground, where she runs to her plush dog bed, curling up and knawing on a Chewy Vuitton plush toy.

 

“Alright, buddy. I’ll help you out,” he says, and Joe grins, raising his hands in a thankful gesture.

 

“Yes! Thank you, Ben! I’ve never loved you more than I do now,” he says, gaining a tired but amused reaction from Ben.

 

Lily Anne passes Ben the fourth remote, smirking. “Ready to be proven wrong again, Hardy?”

 

Ben takes the remote, his hand brushing hers. “Don’t get your hopes up, Lil.”

 

She shrugs, and sits next to Lucy. “Alright. Whatever you say, darling.”

 

Ben sits next to Joe, and the game begins.

 

“Hah! Take  _ that _ , Mercury!” Joe exclaims as he unleashes a blue shell.

 

“You wanker!” Lily exclaims, watching as Baby Peach goes spinning out of control. “Lucy, take the lead! I’ll catch up!”

 

“You’ve got it, Lily!” she responds, zooming ahead to be in first place.

 

Ben bangs his cart into Lily’s and she smirks, shaking her head as she receives three bananas from a blue box. “Oh, love. You made a mistake.” She unleases all three in rapid succession, causing Ben’s baby Mario to spin out of control.

 

“Jesus Christ, Lil, the hell was that for? I only hit you once!” he yells back at her, trying to speed up once more.

 

She grins. “Even once was too much for this match, darling!” She gets a bullet, and speeds through the finish line at first place, and as the victorious music plays, her and Lucy scream happily, hugging each other and laughing.

 

Joe and Ben lean back, defeated. Gwil and Rami pat their backs as the triumphant women flaunt their victory, and Lily Anne tosses her controller to the ground in front of Joe’s feet.

 

“Fuck yeah! Suck my  _ fat  _ cock, Mazzello! Hah!” She high fives Lucy, and grins.

 

“We should celebrate our victory! Champagne sounds appropriate to me, don’t you think, Lily Anne?” Lucy says, grinning at her new friend.

 

Lily Anne smiles and shrugs. “Sorry, love. I can’t personally drink alcohol, but I do have some that the rest of us can partake in if they’d like.”

 

The rest of the cast perks up and collectively agrees to drink, and Lily Anne heads to the kitchen to get Moet Chandon and Smirnoff from her alcohol cabinet. She hears frantic knocking at the kitchen door and turns to see Ezichi, looking impatiently into the glass window.

 

Lily Anne opens the door and lets her bandmate inside, frowning. “What’s wrong, Ezichi? I thought you were going to be on a date tonight.”

 

The tall Nigerian woman huffs, taking off her vintage paisley overcoat. “Jesus, Lily, I’ve been knocking for ten minutes! What took you so long? I even texted and called you.”

 

Lily Anne shakes her head, collecting the bottles and some champagne flutes in her arms. “I’m sorry, Zichi! I have guests over and we were playing a very intense round of Mario Kart. Now, since me and Lucy won, I’m getting something for everyone to drink.”

 

Ezichi takes some of the shot glasses and the bottle of vodka before commenting, “You better not be consuming any of this shit, alright? You know I already don’t like that you carry it in your house.”

 

Lily Anne sighs tiredly, closing her eyes. “You know I won’t drink ever again, Ezichi. Not after what happened.”

\---

March 13th, 2010

 

_ Ezichi watches Lily Anne through the glass window into her hospital room, where she has an I.V. in her wrist giving her fluids and nutrients and is having her heart rate monitored. She feels absolutely terrible about abandoning her friend throughout her time of need, but Lily Anne just wouldn’t listen to her when she tried to help her find healthier ways of coping with losing her father. _

 

_ Everyone in Room 301 felt Jim’s loss intensely, especially since he had always been there for them. He went to every gig he possibly could, and it was always comforting to look out into the audience and see his smiling face and cozy woolen sweater. Even when he got sicker, he tried to make all the gigs he could, and at one point, his nurse, Laura, was accompanying him to the shitty pubs the band played at. _

_ It was even worse for Bronwyn and Madigan, since once they came out to their parents, they were not allowed to stay in their homes, and were disowned from their families. Jim took them in and let them live with him and Lily Anne at Garden Lodge. He had such compassion for them, especially since he knew the struggles they were going through. All of them came to see Jim as a second father to them and went to him with their problems, which he would help them through with wise advice, a pot of tea, and some shortbread cookies. _

 

_ After Jim passed on, Lily Anne became more distant, and began to drink excessively. They couldn’t perform because she was always blacked out during the weekends, never made it to rehearsals, and even drank in the mornings. She took some time off from school after the trauma and lived alone in a small flat in downtown London, which quickly became a cesspool of empty vodka bottles, garbage everywhere, and dirty laundry. _ _  
_ _ Bronwyn and Madigan were so mad at her that they decided to distance themselves from her right away, but Ezichi was bound and determined to get her friend back, and reunite the band. But after a month of advice fell on deaf ears, she too left Lily Anne to her own devices. _

 

_ Oh, how she regretted that decision. _

 

_ About a month later, she was contacted by Brian and informed that Lily Anne had been admitted to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, and nearly died alone in her flat. As soon as she got to the hospital and had her stomach pumped, Lily Anne had a generalized tonic-clonic seizure.  _

_ For three minutes, Lily Anne’s body shook uncontrollably, and then she slept for twenty hours straight afterward. Brian was the first to see her after everything and told Ezichi that Lily Anne would appreciate her company, even though she was far from fully recovered. _

 

_ With a deep breath, Ezichi blinks away her tears and wipes her eyes before entering the room. Lily opens her bloodshot eyes and looks at her friend, gulping. _

_ Ezichi looks at her bedside table, where there is a vase with flowers and a note from Brian, and on the floor, unopened, is a letter from Roger. She takes in the sight of the I.V. and Lily’s greasy hair limp around her shoulders, and the dark circles under the girl’s eyes. _

 

_ “I know,” Lily hoarsely says. “You don’t have to say anything nice, Zichi. I know how horrible this whole scene is.” _

 

_ Ezichi nods, sitting beside Lily in an uncomfortable chair, pointing to the envelope on the floor. “You didn’t open Roger’s note.” _

 

_ Lily shakes her head. “He could barely look at me, Zichi. He didn’t speak a word to me, either. He’s so disappointed. I don’t want to read what’s in that envelope.” _

 

_ Ezichi picks up the note and hands it to Lily, placing it gently in her shaking, clammy fingers. “At least put it next to Brian’s note, okay? So they don’t accidentally throw it out.” _

 

_ Lily blinks back tears, and when she tries to move, her hand shakes so badly that she drops the card back on the floor. “I-I can’t…” she whispers, a single tear escaping her left eye. _

 

_ Ezichi gets up and does it for her, letting out a sniffle. It hurts to see her best friend so weak. Lily Anne lets out a tiny whimper, and bites her lip to contain a sob, but Ezichi can see that there is so much she’s holding back. _

 

_ She holds her hand when she sits back down, wiping away a tear. “Let it out, Lily.” _

 

_ Lily shakes her head defiantly, her body betraying her by letting out fat tears that smear the remainders of her mascara from two days ago down her cheeks. _

 

_ “I’m not going to judge you, Lily. You’ve gone through hell and back, and you need a good cry.” _

 

_ Lily squeezes Ezichi’s hand and her whole body trembles with the urge to let out the tears. _

 

_ “Before you get better, you need to let that shit go first, alright?” Ezichi gently coaxes her friend along, and that’s when Lily Anne breaks, releasing a heart-wrenching sob. _

 

_ “I-I’m so sorry, Ezichi. I’m so fucking-- god, I’ve been an awful friend! I’ve hated not being with the band, I-I’ve hated myself for acting so badly, and I’ve hated the world for taking Jim away from me. I’ve never been this horrible in my life! None of you deserve this! Absolutely none of you.” Lily takes a heaving breath. “But the worst part about all this isn’t the overdose, or the seizure, but…” She sobs. “But putting everyone who’s ever loved or cared about me through emotional hell! I’ve been so blessed to have s-so many people who love and c-care about me, a-and what did I do with that blessing? I wasted it, Ezichi! I’ve ruined the band, I’ve pushed away my uncles, and all they wanted to do was take care of me, and I nearly--” She curls up into a ball, shaking her head. _

 

_ Ezichi rubs her shoulder, squeezing it gently. “I know.” She’s beginning to cry as well. “You don’t need to say it, Lily, I know what almost happened.” _

 

_ Lily peaks her head out from her arms, eyes red and puffy and lips cracked and quivering. “I-I thought that if I joined my Papa and Daddy, everything would be better. But it only made everything worse, because I failed.” _

 

_ Ezichi shakes her head, sobbing. “Lily… we failed you as well. We all abandoned you when you needed our help.” _

 

_ Lily shifts to be closer to Ezichi. “No, no, nonononono, please don’t blame my selfish actions on yourselves. I was being so horrible. I deserved to be left to my own devices.” _

 

_ Ezichi swipes at her eyes aggressively and looks Lily in the eye. “Don’t you fucking dare say that ever again, Lily. You were begging for help, and we ignored you because we were being selfish and doing what was in our best interests.” _

 

_ “But--” _

 

_ “If I hear another ‘but’ out of you I will tape your fucking mouth shut, do I make myself clear?” _

 

_ Lily nods, still shaking. _

 

_ “You have never been without emotional baggage, Lily. Between having one father who passed away before you could even really get the chance to remember him, and another one who was already living on limited time when nobody could tell how much was left, death has always been a part of your life. Your own mortality was a subject that came up far sooner than it should have, and even though you were sheltered partly from it, it was inescapable. You were always bullied for having a gay father, and the fact that your other one died from AIDS has always been shoved in your face by wankers who don’t understand how impossible it was to prevent from happening. Your racial identity made it hard for you to fit in anywhere, because you’re not Indian enough for Indians to consider you one of their own, and you’re not Irish enough for the Irish to take you in either. You’ve never had a designated space where you belong. You’re incredibly talented, but you’re always going to be compared to your father, who’s considered to be a musical icon. The standards you’ve had to live up to have been so high! No wonder you didn’t feel like you could show any vulnerability when you’ve been made to feel less than your entire life! You were afraid of judgment so you pushed everyone away, because that’s what you’ve always been taught to do by experience.” Ezichi is crying as she speaks, wiping away her tears. “You’re damn right that you were selfish, Lily. Nobody can deny that. But we ignored the reasons why you were acting out in the manner that you were, and didn’t do enough to help you.” _

 

_ Lily Anne has gone quiet and is now sitting back, contemplating what her friend has told her. She still feels guilty, that much hasn’t changed, but perhaps not all is lost. “Can you all forgive me?” Her voice is quiet and weak, and she’s hoping that it is possible to regain what she’s lost. _

 

_ Ezichi nods, sniffling. “Of course, you idiot. We love you so much, and I for one don’t want to live without my best friend and frontwoman.” _

 

_ Lily holds out her arms for a hug and Ezichi holds her tightly, both girls sobbing. _

 

_ “I love you so much, Ezichi.” _

 

_ “I love you too, Lily.” _

\---

Lily Anne walks into the living room with the champagne and Ezichi follows her inside.

 

“Everyone, this is my bandmate and best friend, Ezichi Adebayo. Ezichi, this is the cast of Bohemian Rhapsody.”

 

Everyone introduces themselves, and Ezichi smiles at them, putting down the bottle of vodka and the shot glasses.

 

“It’s nice to meet you all! I’ve heard great things about the project from Roger and Brian, and I can’t wait to see how it all turns out.”

 

Ezichi helps the cast fill up their champagne flutes and Lily Anne puts some bottled water into a flute as well to participate.

 

“To Freddie,” Lily Anne says, and everyone toasts, repeating the statement.

 

After some time is spent getting to know each other, Ezichi pulls out a sheet of paper from her purse and hands it to Lily, who sips her water and frowns.

 

“What is this, Zichi?” she asks, unfolding it.

 

“The reason I came here. It’s a new song I just finished penning the lyrics to, and I would love to hear what kind of melody you have in mind for it,” she explains. “It’s going to be nine years since we lost Jim, and I was thinking about him, and I wrote this. I was thinking it could be some kind of ballad, but we can experiment with the sound.”

 

Lily Anne nods, smiling. “That sounds fun!” She looks at the cast. “Do all of you want to hear it? We could use some fresh ears, since a lot of the time we just go to Brian and Roger for help.”

 

Gwilym nods, smiling. “That sounds great! I’d love to help out.”

 

Rami agrees, and adds, “It means a lot to us that you’d trust us to help you with your music.”

 

Ben grins, and after taking a sip of his champagne, he says, “I try to write my own stuff all the time, so I’m glad we can work with real musicians.”

 

Ezichi smiles at Ben and raises a brow. “What does your stuff end up sounding like, if you don’t mind me asking?”

 

He shrugs, “It depends. Usually, it’s more rock n’ roll, but there are some softer songs as well.”

 

Joe shrugs and looks at his friend. “So basically, what Room 301 does.”

 

Ben nods, finishing off his glass and putting it down.

 

Lily smiles. “That sounds great. I’d love to hear your stuff, Ben. Is everyone ready to read through this?”

 

There are nods and smiles, and forty minutes later, the cast and the band members have created a ballad that sounds unlike anything Room 301 has ever produced before.

 

After finishing the song, Ezichi packs up her guitar and wipes away stray eraser markings on the paper, and as shots of vodka are poured, she is approached by Gwilym.

 

“Ezichi? If you don’t mind, could I ask for a favor?” he asks politely, acting fairly calm amidst the group of high energy actors on the couch drinking.

 

She turns around and looks up at him-- and being almost six feet tall, that’s quite the statement-- smiling. “Sure thing, Gwil, what is it?”

 

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck, shaking his head. “I have to do the Bohemian Rhapsody guitar solo, and even though they’re going to play a recording of it in the background, I just really want to actually perform it. I’m pretty good at mimicking the guitar playing that Brian does, but I just want it to be more genuine. Could you teach me how to really play guitar? I’ve heard that Brian trained you himself, and I must admit, your playing tonight was incredibly impressive. The song was even moreso.”

 

He’s tall, handsome, charming, and professional. Ezichi was already initially attracted to this man, but the genuinely heartfelt comment about her playing makes her blush.

 

“Of course, Gwil! Thank you so much for those comments. That’s one of the kindest things anyone has ever told me.” She smiles and picks up her guitar case. “There’s a studio downstairs with a guitar similar to Brian’s Red Special, and we’ll be able to talk without loud, tipsy actors in the background. Want to go there?”

 

He nods, smiling in relief. “I’d love that. Thank you so much.” He grins, gesturing back towards his fellow actors. “Want to take a few shots before we do that, though?”

 

She nods, laughing. “Of course! I can always do one more shot.”

 

Lily Anne walks out of her house and into the garden, sitting down in a rocking bench by the koi pond and lighting a cigarette. She may not drink anymore, but she still has her bad habits. As she begins to rock back and forth and looks up at the dark sky, she hears a door closing and footsteps coming closer, and turns around to see Ben walking out of the house.

 

“Was it getting too crazy in there?” she asks, and he turns to face her.

 

He walks over and sits next to her on the bench, pulling out a pack of Marlboros. They have the same bad habit, apparently. 

 

“Not really. Joe is getting loud and Rami is getting silly, but otherwise, it’s the same friendly chaos as always,” he says dismissively as he pulls out a cigarette and puts it in between his lips.

 

The sight is far more attractive that Lily Anne would like to admit, and she’s glad it’s dark, because she’s certain she’s already blushing, but the sweating is about to start soon.

 

He frowns when he feels his pocket for a lighter and can’t find one. Lily Anne lights hers and holds it out so he can light the cigarette, and he mumbles a thank you to her.

They sit in silence, listening to the koi splash around in the water and the creaking of the bench.

 

“Lily, do you mind me asking something sort of serious to you?” he asks, letting out a breath of smoke.

 

She turns to face him and shakes her head, releasing the smoke from her nostrils. “Not at all. Ask away.”

 

He takes a moment to collect his thoughts before saying, “When Lucy mentioned champagne, and you said that you don’t drink alcohol, I just noticed you kind of stiffen up, and seem a bit uncomfortable for a moment. Do you mind me asking why you don’t drink?”

 

“I don’t mind. Thank you for asking about it in such a kind way, instead of rudely demanding answers like the paparazzi and the press do.” She nods and looks at the koi pond. “Well… on January 1st, 2010, my dad died. I was 20-years-old. It was very, very hard for me to cope with. I pushed everyone who ever loved me away from me and went down a very dark path. I lost control over my life. A large part of that path was me abusing alcohol and making very selfish decisions.” She takes a deep breath and blinks, leaning back against the bench.

 

She feels a warm hand on her own, and turns to look at Ben, who gently squeezes her hand. “You don’t need to elaborate if it’s too painful. I can guess what happened, and I’m so sorry it did.”

 

She smiles fondly at him and shakes her head. “That’s very sweet, but I’ll be fine.” She takes a drag before continuing her story. “On March 11th of the same year, about two months after my dad died, I was admitted to the hospital because I overdosed on alcohol. I don’t remember the ride over, or the clonic-tonic seizure I had a day later, but I do remember waking up in a hospital bed, feeling like utter garbage, unable to move without shaking like a leaf.”

 

Ben’s hand holds onto hers more tightly, and she blinks back tears. “I do remember-- shit, I’m sorry for crying.” She wipes her eyes on the sleeve of her turtleneck, and he shakes his head.

 

“Don’t be sorry. Like I said, if you want to stop--”

 

“No. I need to tell the story.” She takes another deep breath. “I remember Brian crying in the hospital, holding me like a lifeline because he thought I was surely going to die. I remember Roger not being able to look at me or talk to me, and leaving a note on my side table that I didn’t open for three months because it was too painful for me to do. I remember Ezichi crying, apologizing for the fact that they didn’t know how to help me in the moment, and telling me that it wasn’t all my fault.” She wipes her eyes again, sniffling. “I remember the day I finally got back in contact with Bronwyn and Madigan, and how good it felt to know that they forgave and loved me, regardless of how badly I fucked up.” She shakes her head as Ben moves closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Most of all, I remember the moment where I truly dedicated myself to getting my shit together after being admitted to a rehab center for cocaine addiction.”

\---

February, 2013

 

_ Lily Anne stays curled up in her bed as a nurse walks into her room in the rehab facility for her daily checkup. _

 

_ “Hello, dear. How are you feeling today?” the nurse asks Lily Anne, sitting at the foot of her bed. _

 

_ “Like fucking shit,” she responds, not bothering to lift her head from the pillow. _

 

_ The nurse, who’s been taking care of Lily Anne since she got here a month ago, sighs and scribbles onto her clipboard notepad. “Got it. Same as always. On a scale of one to ten, how much motivation--” _

 

_ “Zero,” Lily Anne responds, cutting the nurse off. _

 

_ “Alright, same as yesterday, I see,” she comments, tiredly writing more down. “Emotionally, are you doing any better? You haven’t come to any of the group therapy sessions yet,” she asks, straying from the narrative. _

 

_ Lily Anne shakes her head. “Emotionally, I’ve been fucked raw in my ass by a cactus. I’m just tired of feelings at this point.” She scoffs. “What good will the group therapy do? Everyone else will judge me, ‘cause I’m a rich girl who didn’t appreciate all my blessings, and because it got too stressful earning fuck tons of money to add to my already thriving bank account, I decided to ingest copious amounts of cocaine.” _

 

_ The nurse pinches her brows together and shakes her head, trying to remain calm. “Group therapy is a safe--” _

 

_ “Don’t start with your ‘safe space’ bullshit. All that means is that people silently judge you instead of just fucking admitting that they think you’re an awful cunt of a person,” Lily responds, angrily spitting back at the nurse. _

 

_ With a resigned sigh and a final scribble, the nurse stands up and moves to leave. “Should I turn on the radio before I go?” _

 

_ Lily shrugs. “Whatever. I don’t care.” _

 

_ The nurse turns on the radio before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her. _

 

_ Lily Anne is sick of rehab trying to get her to do these garbage activities that are supposed to make people feel better. Meditation is ancient horseshit that just allows her time to think more deeply about what a fuck up she is, gardening reminds her too much of home and how Jim is rolling in his grave at the thought of his daughter fucking up her life with drugs for a second time, painting just gets her comfy sweatpants dirty, and animal time just makes her think of how the cats were better children to Jim and Freddie than she ever will be. _

 

_ The radio is playing some bullshit song about going clubbing and getting fucked up, so Lily Anne closes her eyes and tries to sleep. As she’s nodding off, the radio gets filled with static and switches to another station, and she’s awake again. _

_ She sits up as the song begins playing, and instantly tears fill her eyes at the sound of her father’s voice. _

 

**_Sammy was low_ **

**_Just watching the show_ **

**_Over and over again_ **

**_Knew it was time_ **

**_He’d made up his mind_ **

**_To leave his dead life behind_ **

**_His boss said to him_ **

**_“Boy you’d better begin_ **

**_To get those crazy notions right out of your head_ **

**_Sammy who do you think that you are_ **

**_You should’ve been sweeping up the Emerald bar”_ **

 

_ “Shut up, shut up, please, shut the fuck up!” she shakes her head, curling up under her covers. “Go back to that shitty station from before, please!” _

 

_ The music doesn’t stop, and the chorus makes her cry even harder. _

 

**_So honey spread your wings and fly away_ **

**_Fly away far away_ **

**_Spread your little wings and fly away_ **

**_Fly away far away_ **

**_PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER_ **

**_‘CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD DO BETTER_ **

 

_ The last lines are blasted louder than the rest, and it’s as if her father is yelling at her, which makes her cry so hard she shakes.  _

 

_ “I-I’m sorry! Please, just… I can’t! I get it, Papa! I fucked up. Again. Do you think I haven’t been beating myself up about this? If you’ve really been watching over me like Daddy said you were, you’d know that already!” She practically spits at the radio before grabbing her hair in her fists. “I can’t live like this anymore! I’ve always tried to live up to some impossible legacy, do what would make you proud, and instead, I’ve disappointed you. Twice. Sure, I’ve sold some records, won some awards, made some money. Maybe if I bared it all to the world and wrote songs that air all of my fucking feelings like you did, I’d actually make you proud!” _

 

_ The music stops suddenly, and goes back to the same station as before. Lily Anne presses her fingers to her lips, blinking back tears. So that’s what her father wants her to do… face her fears of being completely open in her music, and just throw caution to the wind. _

 

_ Suddenly, her mind is clear. She knows what she needs to do. _

 

_ Lily Anne stands up and pulls one of Jim’s sweaters over her tee-shirt, and shuffling down the hallway in the fuzzy slippers Sarina gifted her, she walks to the art room and takes a pile of lined paper and a pack of Sharpies. _

_ She’s going to write, dammit, and she’s going to write the most brutally honest songs the world has ever heard. _

\---

She finishes her story, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes. “That felt good, actually. I’ve never really talked to anyone about all of it, other than the band.”

 

Ben takes a moment, holding the stub of his finished cigarette and trying to think of what to say.

 

Lily lets out a laugh and looks over at him, placing a hand on his arm. “You don’t have to say anything, I know it’s a lot. I’m a lot. When it comes to me, everything is just… a lot.”

 

He takes a moment before shaking his head. “That’s… I mean… you’ve been through hell and back, and you’re still standing here, stronger than ever.”

 

She puts her cigarette butt in the ashtray she has rested on a pedestal next to the bench and turns red, rubbing the back of her neck. “I mean, yeah, I’ve been through a lot, but it could’ve been worse.”

 

Ben turns to her, confused. “Could’ve been worse? Are you fucking kidding me? Not much is worse than overdosing two times, losing both your fathers, constantly being berated by the press about sensitive subjects when you’ve already explained what you wanted to say in your music, and having those experiences devalidated because of the amount of money in your bank account. You’ve got to be one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”

 

Lily Anne is smiling, but she tries to hide her face. “Ben, stop it. I’m all flushed.”

 

Ben raises his hands in surrender. “Alright. I’m done. But if you ever need a pep talk, I’m here.”

 

She nods and squeezes his hand. “I appreciate it.”

 

They sit in silence before noticing that the sun is almost coming up. Lily Anne is extremely confused.

 

“How long have we been out here?” Ben asks, frowning.

 

She shrugs. “Well, we came out here at eleven and-- what the fuck?” She stares at her watch. “It’s two in the morning!”

 

Ben looks at the watch as well in disbelief.

 

“Jesus, we spent four hours just talking about me! I’m so sorry, I must seem incredibly narcissistic right now,” Lily Anne says, feeling incredibly embarrassed.

 

Ben shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. This gave me a better idea of who you are. I’m grateful that you trusted me enough to tell me all this.” He smiles at her. “I understand you so much better now, and I’m glad this all happened.”

 

She nods, turning even redder before yawning and standing up. 

 

“Let’s get some sleep. Next time, we can spend four hours talking about you,” she says, walking inside.

\---

Lily dreams she’s in the garden and hears singing coming from the bench her and Ben were sitting on. She walks over and sees Freddie there in a yellow sweatsuit, petting Delilah and smoking a cigarette. It’s not the first time she’s dreamed of her parents, but somehow this feels more real than her other dreams of them have.

 

“Papa?” she calls out quietly, smiling at him.

 

Freddie turns to look at his daughter and smiles widely, patting the seat next to him. “Sit down, sit down, darling! We have something very important to discuss.”

 

She does as she’s told, and frowns. “How do you know that we have to discuss something? This is just a dream, Papa. You’re not really here. It’s all my imagination.”

 

Freddie raises a brow. “Darling, opportunities like this don’t come often, and may never happen for people who don’t have a close connection to the dead. You, however, have been on the brink of death twice. It’s easier for us to communicate with you because of that.”

 

She nods, choosing to focus on petting Delilah when she moves to her lap, purring. “Okay. What do you need to talk about, Papa?”

 

Jim comes out of the house, carrying three cups of tea on a tray. He smiles fondly at his daughter and kisses her forehead.

 

“Hello, love,” he says, handing her a cup of tea.

 

“Hello, Dad,” she responds, sipping her tea.

 

Freddie takes his cup and smiles at Jim before turning his attention back to Lily Anne.

 

“So… why am I here?” she asks again, looking at her fathers.

 

“First of all, the song Ezichi has written is absolutely lovely, so be sure to tell her that,” Jim says. “It was very touching. I miss her very much.”

 

“We miss you too, Dad. Every day,” Lily says, smiling back at her father.

 

“Yes, it was beautiful. I loved it as well. But we are really here for something much more important,” Freddie says. “Remember the urn earlier today?”

 

Lily nods, sighing. “Yes, of course. You nearly scared my new friends away.”

 

Freddie holds the hand that isn’t holding a cup of tea, looking intently into Lily’s eyes. “Lily Anne Mercury, if you don’t hold on tightly to that lovely man who spent four hours talking to you in this very garden, you will never find anyone to spend the rest of your life with ever again,” he insists, and Jim places a hand on his husband’s shoulder.

 

“I kept Freddie from throwing the urn because you just met him, but please keep him around. I like the boy,” Jim explains, being much more rational.

 

“Okay… I mean he’s very pretty--”

 

“He looks like a Greek god, darling!”

 

“--and very kind--”

 

“He spent four hours listening to you air out your emotions, woman! Kind is an understatement!”

 

“Papa, stop!” Lily raises a hand and Delilah runs back inside the house to escape the Mercurys’ conversation. “I just met him.”

 

“Love at first sight is very real, darling,” Freddie insists, looking incredibly seriously at his daughter. “He may not realize it yet, but he loves you.”

 

Lily Anne rolls her eyes, and Jim cuts in.

 

“I think he’s a very good option--” Jim begins.

 

“He’s the only option, Jim!” Freddie says, looking at his husband with intensity. “They’re perfect for each other, and I cannot wait to see the gorgeous grandchildren they’d produce!”

 

“Papa!” Lily turns red and covers her face. “You can’t just say stuff like that!”

 

“But am I wrong, darling?” he asks, raising a brow.

 

“No! No, you’re not! We’d have lovely mixed-race children with dark hair, tan skin, and green eyes, and they would be out of this world gorgeous!” Lily exclaims before sinking down in the bench and chugging the rest of her tea. She puts down the cup and sighs. “If I start thinking about these things… no. It sets up my expectations too high, and when has anything in my life ever gone as perfectly as I’ve planned them?”

 

Freddie wraps an arm around her and she leans into him, closing her eyes. “I know, darling. But this… this, I know will work out.”

 

Jim comes around her other side and does the same, smiling at his daughter. “I trust your judgment, my love. Give me a little more time and I’ll answer your questions, okay?”

 

Lily nods, gulping back tears. “I know you will. I just wish you were both actually there.”

 

Freddie holds her close, smiling sadly. “We wish so too, darling. But when you need us, we’re here.”

 

Jim kisses his daughter’s cheek, smiling. “We have to go, love. Do what you feel is right.”

 

Lily nods. “Alright. I love you both very much.”

 

In the dream, she closes her eyes, and when she wakes up, Reykja is licking her face and wagging her tail. As she gets up to give the dog breakfast, she can’t help but think about the fact that her fathers might be right.


End file.
